GORT

Friday, April 15, 2011

MOVIE QUOTATIONS

MOVIE QUOTATIONS

KILGORE
(to Willard)
We'll come in low out of the rising
sun -- We'll put on the music about
a mile out.

WILLARD
Music?

KILGORE
Yeah. Classical stuff -- scares
the hell out of the slopes -- the
boys love it.

JIM ... some story ... the whole thing. It's like it never happened.
X It never did.

Greed is good. Greed is right.Greed works.
Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.
Greed, in all of it's forms - greed for life, for money, knowledge -
has marked the upward surge of mankind.

Badges? We ain't got no badges.
We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.

But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country

My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.. .
Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him,
that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.

Someday, and that day may never come,
I'll call upon you to do a service for me.

Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to
your daughter... 's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding. And I hope their first child
be a masculine child.

The spider spinning his web for the unwary fly.
The blood is the life, Mr. Renfield.

What we got here is failure to communicate,

Gort. Klaatu Barada Nikto.

It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

Don't forget the cannoli.

How's Paully?
Oh Paully... won't see him no more. .

I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. -- THE DEPARTED

Badges? We ain't got no badges.
We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.

But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?
---GOODFELLAS

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country

My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.. .
Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him,
that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

Butch: What're you looking at, friend?
Vincent: I ain't your friend, palooka.
Butch: What did you say?
Vincent: I think you heard me just fine, punchy.

What we got here is failure to communicate
--COOL HAND LUKE

I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.
---ARTHUR

Butch: What're you looking at, friend?
Vincent: I ain't your friend, palooka.
Butch: What did you say?
Vincent: I think you heard me just fine punchy.
---PULP FICTION

Badges? We ain't got no badges.
We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.
---THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE 1948

It's his ship now, his command. He's in charge, the boss, the head man, top dog, big cheese, head honcho, number one
---AIRPLANE

But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?
---GOODFELLAS

It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter... 's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding. And I hope their first child will be a masculine child.

Someday, and that day may never come,
I'll call upon you to do a service for me.

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country

My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.. .
Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him,
that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.
I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.

---THE GODFATHER

Paternalism is the restriction of freedom for the good of the person restricted.
---George F will

Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.
Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle.
---PATTON (GEORGE C. SCOTT)

Hamburgers. The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast
---PULP FICTION

The world is full of complainers.
But the fact is, nothing comes with
a guarantee. I don't care if you're
the Pope of Rome, President of the
United States, or even Man of the
Year--something can always go wrong.
And go ahead, complain, tell your
problems to your neighbor, ask for
help--watch him fly. Now in Russia,
they got it mapped out so that
everyone pulls for everyone else--
that's the theory, anyway. But what
I know about is Texas..and down here
you're on your own.

---BLOOD SIMPLE

There's an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth.
----THE SOPRANOS

I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.

---SCARFACE

"You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God.."

---DEVIL'S ADVOCATE

you can't find your waitress with a Geiger counter
---TOM WAITS

"Extraordinary! On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse - bassoons and basset horns - like a rusty squeezebox. Then suddenly - high above it - an oboe, a single note, hanging there unwavering, till a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight! This was no composition by a performing monkey! This was a music I'd never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing, it had me trembling. It seemed to me that I was hearing a voice of God." -AMADEUS, THE VOICE OF GOD

"You smell that? Do you smell that? ... Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like ... victory. Someday this war's gonna end

Gunnery Sgt. Hartman's (R. Lee Ermy) degrading, intimidating introductory speech to new inducted recruits at Parris Island: ("If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian s--t. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?")

The point is, ladies and gentleman, is that greed - for lack of a better word - is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms - greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind. And Greed - you mark my words - will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA.")

("We believe nature is solid, and time a constant. Matter has substance and time a direction. There is truth in flesh and the solid ground. The wind may be invisible, but it's real. Smoke, fire, water, light -- they're different! Not as to stone or steel, but they're tangible. And we assume time is narrow because it is as a clock -- one second is one second for everyone! Cause precedes effect -- fruit rots, water flows downstream. We're born, we age, we die. The reverse NEVER happens... None of this is true! Say goodbye to classical reality!"

...")Austrian court composer Antonio Salieri's (F. Murray Abraham) blissful, amazed narration while examining Mozart's sheet music for Serenade for Thirteen Wind Instruments: ("Extraordinary! On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse - bassoons and basset horns - like a rusty squeezebox. Then suddenly - high above it - an oboe, a single note, hanging there unwavering, till a clarinet took over and sweetened it into a phrase of such delight! This was no composition by a performing monkey! This was a music I'd never heard. Filled with such longing, such unfulfillable longing, it had me trembling. It seemed to me that I was hearing a voice of God.")

.I had to start braising the beef, pork butt and veal shanks for the tomato sauce. It was Michael's favorite. I was making ziti with the meat gravy and I'm planning to roast some peppers over the flames and I was gonna put on some string beans with some olive oil and garlic, and I had some beautiful cutlets that were cut just right, that I was going to fry up before dinner just as an appetizer. So I was home for about an hour. Now my plan was to start the dinner early so Karen and I could unload the guns that Jimmy didn't want, and then get the package for Lois to take to Atlanta for her trip later that night..."); the monologue ends when Henry is busted by the DEA, and he coolly says with relief: ("For a second, I thought I was dead, but when I heard all the noise I knew they were cops. Only cops talk that way. If they had been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead.")

Hitman Jules Winnfield's (Samuel L. Jackson) Bible quote: ("The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.")Larry Flynt's

Maycomb was a tired old town, even in 1932 when I first knew it. Somehow, it was hotter then. Men's stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon after their three o'clock naps. And by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frosting from sweating and sweet talcum. The day was twenty-four hours long, but it seemed longer..

"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms."

.“That's what makes us tough. Rich fellas come up an' they die an' their kids ain't no good, an' they die out. But we keep a-comin'. We're the people that live. They can't wipe us out. They can't lick us. And we'll go on forever, Pa... 'cause... we're the people.”The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

”"There's an old joke: Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort. And one of 'em says: 'Boy, the food in this place is really terrible.' The other one says: 'Yeah, I know. And such small portions.' Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly."Annie Hall (1977)

Greetings, my friends! We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friends; future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable; that is why you are here. And now for the first time we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that faithful day. We are giving you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimonies of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places, my friends, we can not keep this a secret any longer; let us punish the guilty, let us reward the innocent. My friends, can your heart stand the shocking facts about the grave robbers from outer space?"

In a powerful speech spoken directly into the camera on his television show See It Now, legendary reporter Edward R. Murrow (David Strathairn) attacked Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy's (Himself) methods: ("...We must not confuse dissent from disloyalty. We must remember always, that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another, we will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason. If we dig deep into our history and our doctrine, we will remember we are not descended from fearful men. Not from men who dared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were for the moment unpopular...The actions of the Junior Senator from Wisconsin have caused alarm and dismay amongst our allies abroad and given considerable comfort to our enemies. And who's fault is that? Not really his. He didn't create this situation of fear -- he merely exploited it, and rather successfully. Cassius was right: the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. Good night, and good luck")

("In the end, they put candles on the bodies, so's their friends -- if they had any -- could know them in the dark. The city did this free of charge. It was four days and nights before the worst of the mob was finally put down. We never knew how many New Yorkers died that week before the city was finally delivered. My father once told me we was all born of blood and tribulation; so then, too, was our great city. But for those of us who had lived and died in them furious days... it was like everything we knew was mightily swept away. And no matter what they did to build this city back up again -- for the rest of time -- it would be like nobody even knew we was ever here"), followed by the astonishing "time passage" sequence which shows the development of Lower Manhattan from 1863 through to pre-9/11 while U2's Hands That Built America plays.

"You get to know a lot butchering meat. We're made up of the same things - flesh and blood, tissue, organs. I love to work with pigs. The nearest thing in nature to the flesh of a man is the flesh of a pig...This is the liver. The kidneys. The heart. This is a wound -- the stomach will bleed and bleed. This is a kill. This is a kill. Main artery. This is a kill")

100 Great Movie Lines We Can't Live Without

Famous quotes and great lines of dialogue from 75 years of sound films come from speeches, one-liners, quips, punchlines, statements and insults. Here are some more examples of the most memorable movie quotes and lines of dialogue.

See also, "Greatest Last Film Lines and Quotes" with some of the greatest curtain-call lines ever.

100 GREAT MOVIE LINES WE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT
Selected by Premiere Magazine (in their August 2000 issue)

Hint: Move your mouse pointer over the yellow star next to each quote to identify the source of the film quote (some of the stars are linked to the film's identification and a detailed description of the film).

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."

"I just want to say one word to you - just one word.... 'plastics.'"

"Michael...we're bigger than U.S. Steel."

"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms."
."
"

"...I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

"Go ahead, make my day."

Gort. Klaatu Barada Nikto. It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
It's his ship now, his command. He's in charge, the boss, the head man,
top dog, big cheese, head honcho, number..
I lost it at the movies. ( title of book by New Yorker critic Pauline Kael)

Don't forget the cannoli.

How's Paully?
Oh Paully... won't see him no more. .
Someday, and that day may never come,
I'll call upon you to do a service for me.

"You owe me money!"Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country

Arthur I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.

Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to
your daughter... 's wedding... on the day of your daughter's wedding. And I hope their first child
be a masculine child.

But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you?

Badges? We ain't got no badges.We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.
My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.. .
Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him,
that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

Now I know we're not in Kansas anymore.

"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

"Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!"

- "Tell me, how did you find America?"
- "Turn left at Greenland."

"You don't understand! I could've had class. I could've been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am. Let's face it......It was you, Charley."

"I'll be back."

"If you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, do you know what's gonna happen to you?...You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company."

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

"Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night."

"I stick my neck out for nobody."

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

"They call me Mister Tibbs."

"Show me the money!"

- "Did you hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you."
- "Shut up and deal!"

"You're tearing me apart!"

"Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, 'There's no place like home'."

"Here's looking at you, kid."

"That is one nutty hospital."

"...Bond. James Bond."

"We find the defendants incredibly guilty."

- "You want answers?"
- "I want the truth!"
- "You can't handle the truth!"

"Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown."

"You talkin' to me?"

"What do you mean, I'm funny?...You mean the way I talk? What?...Funny how? I mean, what's funny about it?...But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f--kin' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How'm I funny??...How the f--k am I funny? What the f--k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what's funny!..."

"Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops, that is, depending on the breaks."

"The horror...the horror."

"We belong dead."

"Get away from her, you bitch!"

"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."

"Last night I saw a flying object that couldn't have possibly been from this planet...But I can't say a word! I'm muzzled by army brass!"

"All you of Earth - are idiots!"

- "He was from my village. He was the village idiot!"
- "Yeah, what'd you do, place?"

"Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it."
"
FIVE EASY PIECES
- "Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."
- "You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"
- "I want you to hold it between your knees."

A FEW GOOD MEN. Col. Nathan R. Jessup's (Jack Nicholson) courtroom tirade: ("You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know - that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall -- you need me on that wall. We use words like "honor," "code," "loyalty." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand the post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!")

JFK "Now I can give you the background, but you have to find the foreground, the little things. Keep digging. Remember, you're the only person to bring a trial in the murder of John Kennedy. That's important, it's historic...You don't have a choice anymore. You've become a significant threat to the national security structure. They would have killed you already but you got a lot of light on you. Instead, they're trying to destroy your credibility. They already have in many circles in this town. Be honest, your only chance is to come up with a case. Something, anything. Make arrests, stir the s--t storm, hope to reach a point of critical mass that'll start a chain reaction of people coming forward, then the government will crack.")

GOODFELLAS "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster" monologue in the opening: ("As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. To me, being a gangster was better than being President of the United States...Even before I first wandered into the cabstand for an after-school job, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. It was there that I knew that I belonged. To me, it meant being somebody in a neighborhood that was full of nobodies. They weren't like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted. They double-parked in front of a hydrant and nobody ever gave them a ticket. In the summer when they played cards all night, nobody ever called the cops")

Col. Kurtz' (Marlon Brando) 'horror' speech about hacked-off arms of inoculated children: ("I've seen the horror. Horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that, but you have no right to judge me... It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies...")

THIEF Nobody's fucking indespersible.

THE SHINING "Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me. And it will then take me time to get back to where I was. Understand?...I'm gonna make a new rule. Whenever I'm in here, and you hear me typing, whether you don't hear me typing, whatever the f--k you hear me doing in here, when I'm in here, that means that I am working. That means don't come in. Now do you think you can handle that?...Why don't you start right now and get the fuck out of here?")

BLADE RUNNER "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die"

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Carlin retraction?

Actually, none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I am not completely insensitive to people's feelings. You know, I can dig why some of those words got on the list...like cocksucker and motherfucker. Those are...those are heavy-weight words. There's a lot going on there, man. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. They're just busy words. There's a lot of syllables to contend with. And those K's. Those are aggressive sounds, they jump out at you. CocksuckerMotherfuckerCocksucker. It's like an assault, on you. So I can dig that.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Lenny Bruce Thank you Maskman

THANK YOU, MASK MAN

By Lenny Bruce

Arranged by the NOT BORED! Radio Players

Narrator: Here's a bit. It's about a good man, a man who was better than Christ and Moses: The Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger was so good that he never waited for a "Thank You." He cleaned up the whole town for you and split --

Mask Man (in the background): Hi Ho, Silver!

Dominic: What's with that putz? The schmuck didn't wait! Mamma made coffee and cake and everything. What is the hell is with that guy? I got my hand out like some jackoff and he's already on his horse already!

Person 2: Yeah, yeah: "The Lone Ranger" -- so what the hell does that make him?

Dominic: What an asshole! Is he kidding, that guy? Schmuck! I'm standing there like this with the Mayor and a plaque and everything. . . . I'm going to punch the shit out of him if I ever see him again!

Person 1: Take it easy, Dominic. . . .

Dominic: Take it easy, my balls! Is that guy kidding me?

Person 2: Look, he's the Lone Ranger. He's a good-natured schmuck, he ain't got a quarter. [Pause.] You don't know about him? He's got a problem and goes to analysis. He can't accept love.

Dominic: Eh?

Person 2: We don't even need him any more. He comes around here -- we recognize the mask with snot all over it. It's disgusting! But he likes to go through it so we play it out for him, ya know. Here's his favorite bit.

Person 3: Hey you! What'd ya have a mask on for? Are you an outlaw?

Person 2: This makes him really crazy.

Mask Man: I'm an outlaw! I'm an outlaw! You should be an outlaw the way I am an outlaw!

Person 3: So why do you wear a mask?

Mask Man: Never mind! I'm an outlaw. Get away from me kids, I hurt people.

Person 2: Is that believable? "I'm an outlaw"?!

Mask Man (to himself): Get a kick in the ass for being nice to people?! I'm out for Number One from now on, brother. No one is going to shit on me. I'm out for Number One, boy; Number One is the one and then they get, later.

Person 4: Nice guy?! How come the asshole leaves bullets then?

Person 1: I don't know. That is kinda weird.

Person 4: Sure he's nice: the asshole leaves bullets for kids to fool around with!

Person 2: I told you what the innuedo is: Dr. Ehrlich the Magic Bullet.

Person 4: What's that?

Person 2: Syphillis.

Person 4: Eh?

Person 2: He's telling you in his own special way that the whole world has syphillis.

Person 1: Dr. Ehrlich the Magic Bullet! Of course.

Person 2: Why do you think he rides off with his mouth closed?

Mask Man (in background): Hmmm hmmmm hmm-hmmmm!

Person 4: Are you kidding with that?

Person 2: Of course, when he's outta audible range he's goes on and on about how he thinks he might of caughta dose.

Dominic: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to beat the shit outta him. Get the horses ready: I'm gonna punch them first.

Sound of horses.
Sheriff: Hold the fire on the North ridge! Hold it!

Dominic: OK, Mask Man: I'm gonna whup the shit outta you, buddy, right now.

Sheriff: Whew! God-damn, it took us about 15 minutes -- boy, you think you're pretty god-damn smart. You're hot shit, aintcha, buddy?

Dominic: Look at these kids here, they made cookies and wrote a song called "Thank You, Mask Man." There's your hero! The man too good to accept a "Thank You" from little children, little children in the crey-paper costumes. Right now, buddy, you're going to explain or I'm going to whup the hell outta you, you hear?

Mask Man: I'll explain if you get your god-damn hands offa me, you barbarian! You see, the reason I never wait for "Denk you" izzat I put two boys true college.

Sheriff: What's that?

Mask Man: Dot's right! I put two boys true college and I don' even get a "Denk you"!

Sheriff: A "Denk you"?! Oi veys mir! The Mask Man's a Jew!

Mask man: Of course, schmuck! Dot's why I never talk on the radio show -- all you ever heard me say on the radio show was "Hi Ho Silver!" -- dot's all! You see. . . . Some goyim are coming? Zugnish! Don't zay a void! . . . OK. You I tell. The reason I never wait for a thank you is that -- well, supposing that I did wait for a thank you. Just for a supposition.

Little boy or girl: Thank you, Mask Man.

Mask Man: What's that?

Little boy or girl: Thank you, Mask Man.

Mask Man: "Thank you, Mask Man"? Who the fuck said that?

Little boy or girl: I said it. Thank you, Mask Man.

Voices (in background): Help! Help! Mask man! Mask man!

Mask Man: Just a moment, getting a few thank-yous here.

Voices (in background): Mask man! Mask man! Help! Help!

Mask Man: Don't break my balls, now! I've done you people a whole lotta good and now I wanna get a few thank-yous in return.

Little boy or girl: Thank you, mask Man.

Mask Man: "Thank you, Mask Man." Is zis vot I've been running away from all deese years? What a god-damn fool I've been to run away from a sound like dis. It's beautiful! Let me hear it again!

Voices (in background): Help! Mask Man! Mask man! Help!

Mask Man: Not you, you miserable ingrates! I mean you, wit da babyface.

Little boy or girl: Thank you, mask Man.

Mask Man: "Thank you, Mask Man." Isn't that something? I'm going to get a "Thank you, Mask man" every god-damn day! I'll put 'em all down in a book: It'll say" Thank you, Mask Man." Do you think that I've always worked at this fucking hardware store? Hey, you see that? You see what it says right there?

Everybody: Thank you, Mask Man!

Mask Man: -- It's signed "People of Syosset, Long Island." Izzn't dot something? When I'm old, I can lean back on my book of "Thank You, Mask Man"s. Yes, it's true I can't ride anymore, but would you like to see a little something that I did? Look at that.

Woman formerly in distress: Thank you, mask Man.

Mask Man: Then one day, it's almost five o'clock. Where is the "Thank You Mask Man" Man? Has the "Thank You Mask man" Man been here today? You do have a "Thank You, Mask man" for me, don't you? I thought it would last forever. I've led a very flamboyant existence: I've pissed all my "Thank You's" away. You don't have have any, do you? Just gimme one, so I can make it to the next town. One "Thank You, Mask man"?

The Prophet (booming): There are no more "Thank You, Mask Man"s. The Messiah came during the night. All is pure. [Pause.] You're in the shithouse.

Mask man: The Messiah? But what has this to do with me?

The Prophet: Well, you see -- you are like men such as Jonas Salk, Lenny Bruce and J. Edgar Hoover. These men thrive upon the continuance of disease, segregation, and violence. The purity they do profess a need for, they just feed upon.

Mask Man: You mean?

The Prophet: Yes! Without polio, Salk is a putz.

Mask Man: Well, then, I'll make trouble. Because I'm geared for it. And I must have a "Thank you, Mask Man," at all costs. . . . You see, this way what I don't have, I don't miss -- that's why I always ride off without waiting for a thank you.

City official: God-damn it, Mask Man! Whoo-wee! You can sure talk your ass off! What the fuck you talkin' about? All this Commie horseshit: "Thank you, Mask Man." The kids fell asleep. Wilbur's got blue balls, he's got to get back to the base! He's got me dizzy with all that bullshit: "Thank you, Mask Man." Look, buddy, I'm here -- I'm working for the City, you know what I'm saying? I'm just here to take a photo with you for the Daily News, and then get the hell outta here. C'mon now, shape up and accept a present, and then we can haul ass.

Mask Man: A present? For the children? Alright I'll do it -- no ashtrays, though. . . . Gimme the Indian over there!

City official: Who, Tonto?

Mask Man: Yes, I want Tanta, or whatever the spic-half-bred's name is. I'll take him.

City official: Spic half-bred?! God-damn, you can't have Tonto.

Mask man: Bullshit! You made the deal, and that's what I want: I want Tanta the Indian!

City official: Look, buddy, his name ain't Tanta, its Tonto and you can't have Tonto.

Mask man: Bullshit! I want Tanta, I want Tanta the Indian!

City official: God-damn you, you hippy freak, I wanna tell you -- What the hell do you want Tonto for, anyway?

Mask Man: To perform an unnatural act.

City official: What?

Mask Man: You heard me: to perform an unnatural act.

City official: The Mask Man is a fag! God-damn! The Mask Man is a fag! The masked Fag Man! Oh, Lord! I'm getting dizzy. Don't look at him kids! The bad Fag Man. Oh! {Spluttering.] The Masked Bad Fag Damn Man. You fag bastard, you! God-damn it, kids! Mask Man, I never knew you were that way!

Mask Man: I'm not a fag, but I've heard so much about it, I've read a lot of exposes on how bad it is, and I want to try it, just once. . . . You know? I like what they do with fags in this country: the punishment is quite correct and consistent with the rest of the law: lock 'em up with a bunch of other men -- hmmm, very clever. . . . Uh, wash him up and get him ready! And, uh, I tell you what, uh -- give me that white horse, too.

City official: [Pause.] What do you want that horse for?

Mask man: For the act.

City official: You twisted fag bastard! The horse for the act!

The horse: Nay-ay-ay-ay!

City official: Get off him, Tanta, that's terrible!

Mask Man (riding off): Hi ho, Silver!

sound of horses and then a recording of "The William Tell Overture" by Rossini, to end
[AUDIO RECORDINGS] [BACK ISSUES] [HOME] [LINKS] [SCANNER ABUSE] [SELECTED TEXTS] [TRANSLATIONS]
[LETTRIST INTERNATIONAL ARCHIVE] [SITUATIONIST INTERNATIONAL ARCHIVE]

To Contact Us:
Info@notbored.org
ISSN 1084-7340.
Snail mail: POB 1115, Stuyvesant Station, New York City 10009-9998

Friday, March 27, 2009

Open the pod bay-doors, HAL."

Open the pod bay-doors, HAL."
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

More Paranoia

A few days ago, I wrote that the “paranoid style” has been a continual temptation and danger for modern conservatives (whom Hofstadter called “pseudo-conservatives,” owing to their radicalism in wanting to overturn existing laws and institutions). Several readers expressed disbelief that I didn’t mention their left-wing counterparts, and Jonah Goldberg criticized me on The Corner for the same reason. Goldberg accurately brings up various recent left-wing conspiracy theorists, from Naomi Klein to Spike Lee (he might have mentioned Michael Moore as well), and concludes, “By all means, dust off your dog-eared copies of “The Paranoid Style.” But spare me the lectures if you can only find things to worry about to your right.”

There’s plenty of criticism of Klein, Moore, Nicholson Baker, and other paranoid stylists of the left in my book on Iraq, “The Assassins’ Gate.” I didn’t mention them in discussing Hofstadter and the current reaction to Obama for this reason: Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck have far more power in the Republican Party (it sometimes seems to include veto power) than Klein, Lee, and Moore have in the Democratic Party. The views of right-wing commentators in the grip of the paranoid style (Obama is a stealth radical, the Democrats are imposing socialism) are much closer to mainstream conservative and Republican belief than the views of their counterparts on the left (the levees in New Orleans were blown up by the government, the White House had something to do with 9/11) are to mainstream liberal and Democratic belief. The reasons are complex, but I would list these: the evangelical and occasionally messianic fervor that animates a part of the Republican base; the atmosphere of siege and the self-identification of conservatives as insurgents even when they monopolized political power; the influence of ideology over movement conservatives, and their deep hostility to compromise; the fact that modern conservatism has been a movement, which modern liberalism has not.

This is not to say that the more destructive forms of populism and outright paranoia can’t appear on the left. They have, they do, and they will, especially in times of extreme distress like these. It’s only to say that the infection has been more organic to the modern right.

Goldberg would have even more basis for his complaint if I were the author of a book called “Conservative Fascism” and he were not the author of a book called “Liberal Fascism.”

OBAMA DOESN'T NAIL IT

It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.

THAT IS SO TRUE. I'VE BEEN SUCH A SELFISH WRETCH. NOT LIKE THIS BRAVE AND BRILLIANT NEW PRESIDENT, THIS DOMESTIC WARRIOR THIS ANGEL SENT TO HEAL AMERICA. BUT NO, ALL I COULD SEE WAS MY NARROW INTERESTS.

GOD DAMNED FUCKING CREEP. WHO COULD SAY THINGS LLIKE THAT AND NOT BE AN ARROGANT STUPID CREEP?!

ONLY AN ARROGANT CREEP COULD LET HIMSELF SAY SUCH WORTHLESS STUPID CRAP.